“For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus;”
I Timothy 2:5
Are there people in your life who don’t get along? What can you do when you love two people who seem to hate each other?
In the Bible, the book of I Samuel 14, we find a story of a beautiful friendship between two young men, David, who was a shepherd, and Jonathan, the son of King Saul. In Chapter 18, and verse 1 the Bible tells us “that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.” From his youth, David had been anointed king of Israel by Samuel, the prophet. We won’t go into the whole story, but with the passing of time, there was a certain tension between Saul and David. In the same chapter, verse 9, Saul watched David suspiciously. In verses 6 and 7, returning from a battle, Saul heard the women singing the praises of David, because Saul had slain his thousands, but David his ten thousands.
On several occasions, Saul threatened David’s life, and tried to kill him. Jonathan was David’s best friend, but he was also the king’s son. There’s a very sad passage, where Jonathan appears to convince David that his father, the king, would never try to kill him. He wanted to “fix” the relationship between his father and his best friend. In a certain sense, Jonathan became a “mediator” between these two men whom he loved dearly. He failed. Saul was a deceiver, a liar, and a hypocrite, and once when it would have been very easy for David to have killed Saul, he saved his life instead. Saul cried, pretending to humble himself before David. But the first chance he had, he tried once more to take David’s life.
A link is one of many rings that form a chain. The dictionary uses the word “bond.” If only one link is missing, the chain loses its unity, or its bond. It’s broken. In a sense, Jonathan tried to be the missing “link” in the relationship between his father, Saul, and his best friend, David. Without a doubt, Jonathan loved both men. Perhaps he suffered, because of the enmity between the two people in his life whom he loved most. Surely he felt a great sorrow having to live between two men who couldn’t get along.
Perhaps you have two family members who don’t speak to each other. Maybe your parents are divorced. How sad when we love two people with all our hearts, who are enemies. And sorrow upon sorrow when they’re our parents! Think very hard before you even consider divorce. Think of the effect it will have on your children. Even though your children are grown, they need that security that “my parents love each other.”
What can you do when you love two people who don’t get along? Perhaps because of a problem, two of your children don’t speak to each other. Maybe two of your siblings, perhaps two of your dearest friends, can’t stand to be together. In a significant way, you can be an “intercessor,” the “missing link.” It’s possible that those two people in your life love you dearly, as you love each of them. Just as David loved Jonathan, I believe King Saul must surely have loved his son, also, although he tried to kill him once. (I Samuel 14:39) Had it not been for his being rescued by the people in verse 45, he would have killed him. Although Jonathan failed in his effort to restore the relationship between David and his father, and he was never to put that broken friendship back together, to a certain extent, he was the “missing link.”
When friendship’s chain is broken, it’s because of a missing link. And you could be that missing link. What should we do to repair a broken chain?
1. Pray for both of them. Remember, you can do a lot to help a relationship, but only God can change hearts. When two people don’t get along, it’s because there’s a problem in their hearts…in one or both. Ask God to change their hearts.
2. Ask God to show you any fault you may have in this broken chain relationship. Sometimes, we’re so close to two people that we don’t realize that we may have a negative influence. Our prayer should be like that of the Psalmist David: “Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” Psalm 139:23, 24
3. As much as possible, don’t take sides. Try to remain neutral. That’s hard, because sometimes it’s obvious who has the blame. Do you find yourself in that kind of a relationship? Are there two people in your life whom you love with all your heart? They may not hate each other, but they at least show disgust toward one another. It hurts. It makes us shed tears. In broken relationships, rarely is only one party at fault. To some degree, both are responsible. But you can see the great part of the blame lies in one of the two people you love dearly. Try not to take sides against him or her. Do you know why? The chain is already broken, and you don’t want to break another one…your relationship between them and you. When you begin to take sides, you risk damaging the relationship you have with one of them.
4. Sometimes, when we’re with the person who seems to be the innocent victim of a broken chain, there is a temptation to speak badly of the guilty one. Gossip, criticizing someone is a sin, and even worse when you are criticizing their enemy. That makes the situation worse, and you, who should be the strongest link, instead of repairing the chain, are making it even weaker. Watch your mouth, especially when you’re in the presence of one of your loved ones.
The Bible teaches that when a person rejects Christ, she’s an enemy of God. There’s like a breach, a gulf between the two. Ezekiel 22:30 says, “And I sought for a man among them that should make up the hedge, and stand in the gap before me for the land, that I should not destroy it: but I found none.”
Jesus loves us. He loves His Father, and when He sees that the relationship between two people that He loves is broken, it makes Him sad. The Bible says in I Timothy 2:5 “For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus;”
There is only one Person Who can “fix” the relationship between God and the sinner…Jesus Christ. There’s no one else. There is absolutely nothing we can do to deserve God’s love. It’s all by grace. “For by grace are ye saved through faith;…Not of works,…” Ephesians 2:8,9 You may think you have no enemies, but if you don’t have an intimate relationship with God, you’re enemies. Remember, Jesus not only wants to be our Friend, He paid the price so that you could have His Father as your best Friend.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Saturday, May 8, 2010
MY KIDS AND ME - Chapter 2
“Falling in Love” or “When Mama Ain’t Happy”
Now, some of the titles for this book may seem a little strange to you and totally unrelated to life with my children. This book is about what I learned from them. One of the great lessons of my life has been that I affect those around me. My mood swings, my disposition, my attitude all affect not only my children, but the people with whom I live and work.
This is valuable knowledge in living a happy life, whether you’re raising children, flowers, or chickens. If you believe you’re an island, you’re going to have a hard time raising children…at least happy ones.
Did you know God saw the importance of “atmosphere” when He created the earth? It was “without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep.” So the first thing He did was to create light. He could have made us in such a way that we could have moved about in total darkness if He had wanted to. But He made light so we could enjoy the beautiful flowers He intended to make. He made night, so we would feel drowsy in front of a cozy fire, and He also made night for romance. Didn’t He? Yes, He did. Romancing with your Sweetie takes on a dreamy dimension at night…candlelight, soft music…Don’t you ever think about why God did what He did in the beginning? Or do I have an over-active imagination? I don’t think so.
The memory of the atmosphere we create in our home is going to stay with our children for the rest of their lives. Their disposition and their temperament largely depend on the atmosphere at home. We’re taught, and I agree, that children are born with certain “bends.” In a family of say, eight children, for instance, all raised in the same atmosphere, same parents, same night time routine, one child will be easy-going and always happy. Who cares that not everyone loves him. He is going to love you, and get along with you. Sleeping in the bedroom next to him will be a little girl who has fought her entire way through the day. She loves the challenge of keeping everyone in line. She doesn’t really care how many enemies she makes during the day, just so by bedtime she’s been able to get at least one sibling in line, with as much punishment as possible.
But at least from my experience, when children grow up in an orderly household, where Mama is happy, usually everybody else is, too. And if she ain’t…neither is anyone else.
So what does “falling in love” have to do with anything? I pray this prayer for several of my children every morning: “Help _______ and _______ to fall in love with ________ and to love it more than any other place on earth.” Because if they don’t, neither will their children. Their children will grow up hating the place where God has called them.
I say this from experience. I literally hated San Cristóbal when we moved here thirty-eight years ago. I won’t even be pious and say like I have in the past, “but as I got to know the people, I began to fall in love with San Cristóbal,” because that’s not really true. I’m not talking about people…I’m talking about places. I’m talking about the place where you are right now. Maybe you’re lying in a hospital bed; maybe you have to cook dinner from a wheel chair, or in a hot steamy kitchen. Ask the Lord to help you to fall in love with where you live.
I can still remember the almost eerie feeling of walking the streets of San Cristóbal when we first arrived. There were no flowers in the yards, or at least if there were, they were not visible from the sidewalks, because San Cristóbal is a colonial town, and everything is gray, and concrete…that was my first impression. Gloom, adobe walls, narrow streets, ugly, ugly, ugly everywhere you looked. That was in February, 1972. Thirty-eight years later, the streets are still narrow, the walls still hide what could possibly be lovely gardens, and the sound, almost like a castle-echo, is what you hear if you walk down the streets this afternoon. So what has changed? I have changed. Not even the people have changed. They’re still very “Coletos,” a term applied to people from this little mountain village. No, the one who has changed is me…or is I…or am I, to be grammatically correct.
I love my town more than any other town on earth. The climate is an average 72 degrees. I live on the outskirts of town, but it’s still noisy, with street vendors, and occasional religious parades, and water trucks that sell my bottled water. I love sitting in my bedroom with the drapes drawn before daylight, and knowing exactly when to turn off my porch light, because the birds start singing at precisely dawn.
No place on earth can compare to my town. I wasn’t born here, and I didn’t grow up here, and I’ll guarantee you, it wasn’t love at first sight. It was a gradual falling in love.
I don’t know if my children were old enough to feel my hatred for this town years ago. They may not have known what made me cranky, or critical, or crabby. But I was, because I lived for the day when we would make cross-country trips from southern México where San Cristóbal is located, to the United States. And I’m ashamed to admit the thoughts I used to have about never coming back.
In my book, Tom and Me, there is a chapter called “I Stayed.” I don’t know where you are, but if you don’t love the place where you are, more than any other place on earth, the only way you’re going to “fall in love” with it is to stay there. Stay put. Know how you do that? You don’t leave.
I’m afraid our children are growing up to hate the place where they live, simply because we don’t make it a happy place.
I don’t know what circumstances are making you unhappy with your surroundings, but you can make it very pleasant and a happy place for your children.
So if it isn’t the people that make a place happy, what is it? I say it’s the memories. We’ve made memories with our children in the most desolate situations, in the unhappiest times of our lives. I remember the time Anna was only two months old, and we were returning home from the States. We had a bad wreck, and our pickup and travel trailer turned over. Miraculously we survived. By then we had five children, and the trailer was actually our home. But some of the most precious memories I hold dear to my heart are those made that week in the hotel room where we stayed while our insurance company was settling with the man who caused the accident. With a family of seven, including a baby, you can imagine the laundry…and no laundromat! I laughed until my side hurt at the sight of my husband “changing cycles” as he washed clothes in the bath tub…from gentle to spin to regular to rinse…how the children laughed as Daddy did the laundry.
The scary moments?...the terrifying feeling of reliving every moment of the wreck…yes, they were there. But what I remember most was the picnic down at the river, making new friends at the hotel, hanging my laundry out on the hotel roof, and using the closet shelves as kitchen storage. Like falling in love in a romantic atmosphere, precious memories are what make for a life long love affair with the place where God has put us.
There’s a divine element in falling in love. Worldly love affairs are all about the physical. But true love from God is more about the spirit, that nameless, indescribable attraction toward the one we truly love. If you leave God out of the picture, and out of your life, I don’t know how you make sense of anything in the first place. That’s what tears families apart…looking for that perfect town, that perfect job, or school, or church, even, can create an unrest, a dissatisfaction not only in us, but in our children as well.
Whether it’s peanut butter sandwiches under a shade tree in the back yard, or reading to our children, or playing games, you can make some happy memories. When you’re not happy, neither are your children. Fall in love with the place God has chosen for you to live. And so will your children.
Now, some of the titles for this book may seem a little strange to you and totally unrelated to life with my children. This book is about what I learned from them. One of the great lessons of my life has been that I affect those around me. My mood swings, my disposition, my attitude all affect not only my children, but the people with whom I live and work.
This is valuable knowledge in living a happy life, whether you’re raising children, flowers, or chickens. If you believe you’re an island, you’re going to have a hard time raising children…at least happy ones.
Did you know God saw the importance of “atmosphere” when He created the earth? It was “without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep.” So the first thing He did was to create light. He could have made us in such a way that we could have moved about in total darkness if He had wanted to. But He made light so we could enjoy the beautiful flowers He intended to make. He made night, so we would feel drowsy in front of a cozy fire, and He also made night for romance. Didn’t He? Yes, He did. Romancing with your Sweetie takes on a dreamy dimension at night…candlelight, soft music…Don’t you ever think about why God did what He did in the beginning? Or do I have an over-active imagination? I don’t think so.
The memory of the atmosphere we create in our home is going to stay with our children for the rest of their lives. Their disposition and their temperament largely depend on the atmosphere at home. We’re taught, and I agree, that children are born with certain “bends.” In a family of say, eight children, for instance, all raised in the same atmosphere, same parents, same night time routine, one child will be easy-going and always happy. Who cares that not everyone loves him. He is going to love you, and get along with you. Sleeping in the bedroom next to him will be a little girl who has fought her entire way through the day. She loves the challenge of keeping everyone in line. She doesn’t really care how many enemies she makes during the day, just so by bedtime she’s been able to get at least one sibling in line, with as much punishment as possible.
But at least from my experience, when children grow up in an orderly household, where Mama is happy, usually everybody else is, too. And if she ain’t…neither is anyone else.
So what does “falling in love” have to do with anything? I pray this prayer for several of my children every morning: “Help _______ and _______ to fall in love with ________ and to love it more than any other place on earth.” Because if they don’t, neither will their children. Their children will grow up hating the place where God has called them.
I say this from experience. I literally hated San Cristóbal when we moved here thirty-eight years ago. I won’t even be pious and say like I have in the past, “but as I got to know the people, I began to fall in love with San Cristóbal,” because that’s not really true. I’m not talking about people…I’m talking about places. I’m talking about the place where you are right now. Maybe you’re lying in a hospital bed; maybe you have to cook dinner from a wheel chair, or in a hot steamy kitchen. Ask the Lord to help you to fall in love with where you live.
I can still remember the almost eerie feeling of walking the streets of San Cristóbal when we first arrived. There were no flowers in the yards, or at least if there were, they were not visible from the sidewalks, because San Cristóbal is a colonial town, and everything is gray, and concrete…that was my first impression. Gloom, adobe walls, narrow streets, ugly, ugly, ugly everywhere you looked. That was in February, 1972. Thirty-eight years later, the streets are still narrow, the walls still hide what could possibly be lovely gardens, and the sound, almost like a castle-echo, is what you hear if you walk down the streets this afternoon. So what has changed? I have changed. Not even the people have changed. They’re still very “Coletos,” a term applied to people from this little mountain village. No, the one who has changed is me…or is I…or am I, to be grammatically correct.
I love my town more than any other town on earth. The climate is an average 72 degrees. I live on the outskirts of town, but it’s still noisy, with street vendors, and occasional religious parades, and water trucks that sell my bottled water. I love sitting in my bedroom with the drapes drawn before daylight, and knowing exactly when to turn off my porch light, because the birds start singing at precisely dawn.
No place on earth can compare to my town. I wasn’t born here, and I didn’t grow up here, and I’ll guarantee you, it wasn’t love at first sight. It was a gradual falling in love.
I don’t know if my children were old enough to feel my hatred for this town years ago. They may not have known what made me cranky, or critical, or crabby. But I was, because I lived for the day when we would make cross-country trips from southern México where San Cristóbal is located, to the United States. And I’m ashamed to admit the thoughts I used to have about never coming back.
In my book, Tom and Me, there is a chapter called “I Stayed.” I don’t know where you are, but if you don’t love the place where you are, more than any other place on earth, the only way you’re going to “fall in love” with it is to stay there. Stay put. Know how you do that? You don’t leave.
I’m afraid our children are growing up to hate the place where they live, simply because we don’t make it a happy place.
I don’t know what circumstances are making you unhappy with your surroundings, but you can make it very pleasant and a happy place for your children.
So if it isn’t the people that make a place happy, what is it? I say it’s the memories. We’ve made memories with our children in the most desolate situations, in the unhappiest times of our lives. I remember the time Anna was only two months old, and we were returning home from the States. We had a bad wreck, and our pickup and travel trailer turned over. Miraculously we survived. By then we had five children, and the trailer was actually our home. But some of the most precious memories I hold dear to my heart are those made that week in the hotel room where we stayed while our insurance company was settling with the man who caused the accident. With a family of seven, including a baby, you can imagine the laundry…and no laundromat! I laughed until my side hurt at the sight of my husband “changing cycles” as he washed clothes in the bath tub…from gentle to spin to regular to rinse…how the children laughed as Daddy did the laundry.
The scary moments?...the terrifying feeling of reliving every moment of the wreck…yes, they were there. But what I remember most was the picnic down at the river, making new friends at the hotel, hanging my laundry out on the hotel roof, and using the closet shelves as kitchen storage. Like falling in love in a romantic atmosphere, precious memories are what make for a life long love affair with the place where God has put us.
There’s a divine element in falling in love. Worldly love affairs are all about the physical. But true love from God is more about the spirit, that nameless, indescribable attraction toward the one we truly love. If you leave God out of the picture, and out of your life, I don’t know how you make sense of anything in the first place. That’s what tears families apart…looking for that perfect town, that perfect job, or school, or church, even, can create an unrest, a dissatisfaction not only in us, but in our children as well.
Whether it’s peanut butter sandwiches under a shade tree in the back yard, or reading to our children, or playing games, you can make some happy memories. When you’re not happy, neither are your children. Fall in love with the place God has chosen for you to live. And so will your children.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Armando and Marco Antonio's story
A Guest Post, by my daughter Anna
Armando (with his baby brother, the one smiling) and Marco Antonio (the one on the far left), standing behind his Mama, holding the towels. Here they are actually watching Daddy get baptized, and Mama is waiting to be baptized.
The first 6 people who were baptized April 11th are from a family whose two oldest sons (Armando and Marco) came to live in the boys' home here about 3 years ago. Armando and Marco were saved after they came to live here; they have now started a mission in their village about an hour away from San Cristóbal. It was a blessing to see their Daddy and Mama and 4 younger brothers be baptized! Here is their story:
Armando (with his baby brother, the one smiling) and Marco Antonio (the one on the far left), standing behind his Mama, holding the towels. Here they are actually watching Daddy get baptized, and Mama is waiting to be baptized. Andrew (my husband) and I went to visit their village and the mission being started a couple of weeks ago. That family is SO poor! (They have 8 children. The youngest is 2.) My heart was really touched. They barely had enough to feed us, but they are SO happy! (I have been getting a bag of clothes together to send to them for the children. They have one little girl who is 4 years old so I will give the dresses that my Deborah has out-grown to her.) When we went to camp with the boys last week (Armando, Marco Antonio, Juan Carlos, and Julio), Andrew and I watched them. Well bless your heart, they were in "heaven" there compared to what accommodations they have at home! I told Andrew, "These boys sure won't complain about the camp food or their camp bed! They even get to use a bathroom here!"
Armando and Marco Antonio's family is very musically talented. They told us about when they were only about 10 and 12 years old, they belonged to a singing group that an adult cousin of theirs organized. He said they were invited to parties and special events all the time to sing, and they were paid for their time. Their dad got saved around that time...some Presbyterians won him and his wife to the Lord, I think--and Marco Antonio said that was right when they began getting invitations even to sing and play in Guatemala! He said for a couple of Indian boys, that was big money! Their dad told them they had to stop playing and singing with that group. Well, they didn't want to because they liked earning money. So their dad said, "You either drop out of the group or you have to leave home." So they dropped out of the group.
About 3 years later, Armando came to live in the boys' home here; he got saved soon after that, and then went home and won Marco Antonio to the Lord, who about one year later also came to live here. Those boys are so sweet! Marco Antonio plays the guitar so beautifully! My brother Tommy said in December, "That boy rides circles around me." Now that is a compliment, coming from Tommy who plays more than 30 instruments!
Anyway, they use their talents for the Lord now. They have formed a singing group with some of the other boys here in the church, and my, they sound good together! They are now being invited to Christian events all over to sing. The Lord is blessing their decision to give their talents to Him!
Isn't that just a wonderful story?! Juan Carlos, their younger brother who was baptized, will be leaving home soon to come to San Cristóbal to study, Lord willing, and will become a part of our church. He is just about as musically talented on the guitar as is Marco Antonio.
Youth meeting here just dismissed, and I can hear Marco Antonio playing his guitar out in the church building. It sounds so beautiful!
--Anna
P.S. I forgot to take our camera that day that we went to La Floresta (where the mission has been started in these boys' village); but Andrew has a camera on his cell phone. Well, we were just fixing to start the service, and a donkey walked right in to church. Bless your heart, he was coming to the service! It was so funny! You know how here they greet with a kiss on the cheek? Andrew told the preacher that day, "Ah, look, Bro. Rodolfo. He wants you to greet him with a kiss! Now don't offend your members! You'd better greet him!" Ahh!!! We are all rolling! It was SO funny! (Andrew got some pictures of that donkey in the church!)
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Baptisms
A Guest Post, by my daughter Anna
On Sunday night, April 11th, eleven people were baptized after our PM service. It was such a blessing to see these precious people follow the Lord in this step of obedience. I am attaching some photos so you can see. I hope it causes your heart to rejoice as it did ours. Have a wonderful day!
--Anna
The first 6 people who were baptized are from a family whose two oldest sons (Armando and Marco) came to live in the boys' home here about 3 years ago. Armando and Marco were saved after they came to live here; they have now started a mission in their village about an hour away from San Cristóbal. It was a blessing to see their Daddy and Mama and 4 younger brothers be baptized!
On Sunday night, April 11th, eleven people were baptized after our PM service. It was such a blessing to see these precious people follow the Lord in this step of obedience. I am attaching some photos so you can see. I hope it causes your heart to rejoice as it did ours. Have a wonderful day!
--Anna
The first 6 people who were baptized are from a family whose two oldest sons (Armando and Marco) came to live in the boys' home here about 3 years ago. Armando and Marco were saved after they came to live here; they have now started a mission in their village about an hour away from San Cristóbal. It was a blessing to see their Daddy and Mama and 4 younger brothers be baptized!
Armando's Daddy
Armando's Mama
Armando's brother, Juan Carlos
Armando's brother, Julio
Armando's brother, Pedro
Armando's brother, Rosendo (when Philip asked him, "Rosendo, have you been saved?" He answered, "Amen!" It was so precious!)
Bethsaida, the daughter of a man whose family has only been coming for about one month
Juan, the son of a single mother who comes to our church (Zaremi's younger brother). Juan was saved at camp.
Abelardo, who was also saved at camp
Osmar, a young man who was saved about two months ago.
Marisol...precious girl in our youth group.
The congregation looking on
Armando's MamaArmando's brother, Juan CarlosArmando's brother, JulioArmando's brother, PedroArmando's brother, Rosendo (when Philip asked him, "Rosendo, have you been saved?" He answered, "Amen!" It was so precious!)Bethsaida, the daughter of a man whose family has only been coming for about one monthJuan, the son of a single mother who comes to our church (Zaremi's younger brother). Juan was saved at camp.Abelardo, who was also saved at campOsmar, a young man who was saved about two months ago. Marisol...precious girl in our youth group.The congregation looking on Monday, April 19, 2010
April 2010 Prayer Letter
Dear Friends and Family,
I trust the past two months have been blessed ones for you. Among my countless blessings, the Lord sent me a precious granddaughter, Elisa (pronounced E-lee-sa) Faith Knabb, born to Jason and Sarah on February 6.
The months of February and March were spent away from my lovely mountain home in San Cristobal, Chiapas. After leaving Jason and Sarah in Jáltipan, Veracruz, I traveled with my son, Philip and his wife, Liz to Querétaro, where Steve and Ruthie Miller (my daughter) and their five children serve as missionaries. Then on to the Mount Hebron Ministries south of Monterrey, where I was privileged to speak in several of the ladies’ sessions of the annual Fires of Evangelism Conference, February 15-18. After leaving Monterrey, I crossed the US border, drove to Decatur, TX, and on the 22th I flew to El Paso, TX, and spent two weeks with my son, Joel, and his wife Margaret and their two little girls. I got to be with them for their church’s 10th Anniversary Conference. During my visit there, I spoke six times, including a senior citizen group.
During my stay in the States, I got to visit my home church in Oklahoma City, and spend time with precious friends. I also enjoyed speaking to the college ladies in the OBC split chapel. Since February 1, I’ve spoken twelve times.
Before returning home, I spent two weeks with Steve and Ruthie, and enjoyed attending their church’s 6th Anniversary Conference.
If you have access to the Internet, I invite you to join me in the writing of my new book, My Kids and Me. “From the Heart of Mexico” can be found at www.mimitomany.blogspot.com I’m indebted to my daughter in law, Jolene, for her encouragement, and actual posting of my entries, and pray that even before this book is published, it can be a blessing to ladies…especially mothers and grandmothers. This is a result of a meeting with my former pastor, Dr. Jim Vineyard, who the day after my husband’s funeral, urged me to engage in a writing ministry; I did, and I love it. What a blessed lady I am!
Billie Sloan
Nahum 1:7
I trust the past two months have been blessed ones for you. Among my countless blessings, the Lord sent me a precious granddaughter, Elisa (pronounced E-lee-sa) Faith Knabb, born to Jason and Sarah on February 6.
The months of February and March were spent away from my lovely mountain home in San Cristobal, Chiapas. After leaving Jason and Sarah in Jáltipan, Veracruz, I traveled with my son, Philip and his wife, Liz to Querétaro, where Steve and Ruthie Miller (my daughter) and their five children serve as missionaries. Then on to the Mount Hebron Ministries south of Monterrey, where I was privileged to speak in several of the ladies’ sessions of the annual Fires of Evangelism Conference, February 15-18. After leaving Monterrey, I crossed the US border, drove to Decatur, TX, and on the 22th I flew to El Paso, TX, and spent two weeks with my son, Joel, and his wife Margaret and their two little girls. I got to be with them for their church’s 10th Anniversary Conference. During my visit there, I spoke six times, including a senior citizen group.
During my stay in the States, I got to visit my home church in Oklahoma City, and spend time with precious friends. I also enjoyed speaking to the college ladies in the OBC split chapel. Since February 1, I’ve spoken twelve times.
Before returning home, I spent two weeks with Steve and Ruthie, and enjoyed attending their church’s 6th Anniversary Conference.
If you have access to the Internet, I invite you to join me in the writing of my new book, My Kids and Me. “From the Heart of Mexico” can be found at www.mimitomany.blogspot.com I’m indebted to my daughter in law, Jolene, for her encouragement, and actual posting of my entries, and pray that even before this book is published, it can be a blessing to ladies…especially mothers and grandmothers. This is a result of a meeting with my former pastor, Dr. Jim Vineyard, who the day after my husband’s funeral, urged me to engage in a writing ministry; I did, and I love it. What a blessed lady I am!
Billie Sloan
Nahum 1:7
Monday, April 5, 2010
MY KIDS AND ME - Chapter 1
“I Don’t Think I Can Do This!”
I had been married for about three months, when my doctor husband returned home from the hospital with the news that normally the expectant mother gives to the expectant father: “We’re going to have a baby.” I had been experiencing suspicious symptoms, so Tom took my…well, you know…to the hospital lab to be tested, and sure enough…there was a baby in there!...not really, but you know what I mean.
My husband, Tom, was finishing his General Practice residency in Lafayette, Louisiana. Those were the days when life holds all your dreams: we were passionately-in-love newlyweds; we were excited about leaving for the mission field of Mexico in a few months, and now the joy of looking forward to having a baby. Life didn’t get better than this…
…until that fatal day…
Always the planner, I had decided to be not only the world’s best mother with the world’s best children, but I also planned to have the perfect delivery. I was young and healthy. I was married to a physician. And I was also a scaredy cat…with a very low pain tolerance level.
Upon my insistence, my doctor husband brought home an armload of little pamphlets that he would give to his mommies-to-be. I was so excited I could hardly breathe and couldn’t wait until I got my hands on them: my guide to perfection.
And then I saw the explicit illustrations and drawings of a child actually coming into the world. It was with horror that I announced to my husband when he came in for lunch that day: “I don’t think I can do this.”
“Of course, you can,” he said simply, as he usually expressed everything he said. I was the “embellisher,” as he called me. He was the “simplifier,” so he added, “Millions of women all over the world have had babies, down through the centuries, and so can you. And besides, you don’t have an option.”
Well, thanks a lot for the encouragement!
That was exactly forty years ago. And as I look back over all those years of mothering eight children, I still remember times, much more challenging than labor of childbirth. It’s those days when you feel like you did everything wrong. The “why did I do that?...why didn’t I do that?” The feeling of having sped through my day, and running right past my children. The tears shed over things I’d said to them…or things I didn’t say.
Neglect…thoughtlessness…cruelty…abandonment…failure…these aren’t the confessions of a physically abusive mom. They’re the devastating thoughts of a mother who adored her children, and wouldn’t for anything in the world have done anything to hurt them.
Why this feeling of total inadequacies? You’re reading this, and you’re feeling this with me. Yes you are. This describes you perfectly, doesn’t it? You’re about ready to throw in the towel, and you’re not too particular whose head it lands on. You just want out! Or maybe you want help.
Looking back over those years when my children were still at home, I believe those feelings came to me, as they do to you because of several things:
I was looking inward, and not upward. I read my Bible faithfully every single morning…or at least at some point during the day. When my oldest child was four months old, I started reading the Bible through, and I’ve just finished reading it through for the 39th time. I faithfully had Bible reading with my children every morning. But somehow, that Bible-glow gets dimmer and dimmer as the day grows to an end. The challenge becomes the obstacle, the ever-present hill to be climbed. One tends to think of self more at the end of the day, instead of being happy with one’s role in life, and God’s plan for him or her. Funny, it was always at the end of the day when I would get those feelings. The devil attacks us when we are most vulnerable: when we’ve had it with our children…when we’re tired…when a little one is sick, or doesn’t understand a math problem. It’s at that point that the devil shows us how utterly incapable we are as mothers. And we are, but for the Lord’s grace and strength. Don’t ever say or think you are incapable of doing something that God has called you to do. Your role as mother is as much a ministry as the role of your Pastor’s ministry. You are the best mother God could have chosen for your children. You are tailor-made for them. Even if your little ones are adopted, God put them under your care for a purpose. He allowed you to choose them. There was something about that little one that reached out and touched your motherless heart, and said, “She’s the one,” or “Pick him.” There is a confidence that must come in doing anything for the Lord. But it’s not confidence in one’s own ability. It comes from knowing that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. So the next time you have those desperately unfit mom feelings, look to the One who gave you these little ones. You’re not unfit. You’re tailor-made. Take your eyes off yourself, and your failures and shortcomings, and look to Him for your strength.
I was looking outward, and not upward. If you think I was nuts for studying how to have a baby, you should have seen my library once I actually had a baby! I read everything I could get my hands on about mothering. Just like you! You’re reading this book, because you think I have it altogether. I’ve raised eight children, and you want to know how I survived. This book is not about child raising. It’s a book written to encourage parents, and especially mothers and grandmothers. I would read those books, and about half way through the first chapter, I would already be discouraged. I didn’t have children like this typical suburban housewife. I would daydream about her, and fantasize about being like her. I would lovingly discipline, and I would be a nurturer. I would never get angry or upset. But in reality, in real life, I wasn’t that way, and I couldn’t handle the pressures. What I didn’t know is that most of those mom-authors couldn’t either. I believe those books must surely be written by mothers who have their standards so high, that not even Susannah Wesley herself could have attained to such high goals. Then one day, I closed all my books, and realized my limitations. I turned to the Lord, and I said, “Lord, you know I want to be a good mother. I’d even love to be perfect, just like You. But I can’t. So will You please take all my imperfections, knowing me like You know me, turn them around and use them to help me raise these children? I can’t do it in my strength, so I ask for Yours. I look to Your Word for guidance.”
I was comparing myself to others, instead of to the Lord. You know what I’m talking about, don’t you? I “hear” that smile. I had two friends whom I thought had to be model moms. They were everything I was not. Their children always were immaculately dressed, had impeccable manners, and always had their shoes on. In the area of academics, theirs far excelled mine. We were all home schooling, missionary moms, and they were always talking about the wonderful grades their children made. Their houses were much nicer than mine, and they never had one single dirty dish in the sink. Funny how when you start comparing “apples to apples,” oranges start to appear, too. We’re talking children here, not houses. But even their clothes, their vehicles, their ministries…oops!...their husbands seemed to have it altogether. I say this from experience, and with authority: this is a work of the devil. Don’t ever, ever compare yourself, your children, your house, your church to those of others. This will only accomplish one of two results: you will be puffy with pride, or you will be desperately discouraged. God made you on purpose. He made you inside out. He gave you your husband, your children, your church. He made your body like He wanted it to be. He knows your weaknesses, but He also knows your strengths. Stop “accentuating the negative,” and start “accentuating the positive.” Take what you have, where you are. Accept who you are, and stop comparing. Only when I compare myself to the Lord, and strive to become like Him, will I ever become who He wants me to be. He doesn’t want you to be like me. He didn’t want me to be like Ginny or Sandy. He didn’t want them to be like me. Only when I accept who I am, can He make me to be like Him. Accept your husband. Accept your children, and thank God for the way He made them. Don’t try to change them. Train your children for the Lord. Don’t train them to be preachers, or missionaries, or doctors, or businessmen. Train them for the Lord, for Him to do with them as He wills. Get your eyes off others, and back on the Lord.
Some mothers look at child rearing like some people look at Salvation. Salvation is by grace. And so is childrearing. Did you know if there were something good you could do to take you to Heaven, there would be the corresponding something bad to condemn you to hell? Salvation is by grace, through faith in Jesus Christ. I witness to people all the time who don’t like this. They want to think there is surely something they can do to take them to Heaven. That’s why you’re ready to throw in the towel. You’re saved, but some of the things you do give the devil opportunity to make you think you’ve “lost” your Salvation, or you haven’t been good enough. There is nothing good enough you can do to take you to Heaven. If you are going to Heaven, it is all by grace, and through faith in Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross.
That’s the way it is with mothering. Just as there is an element of pride of wanting to “do something on my own” that will merit Heaven for me, there is a pride element in thinking, “I don’t think I can do this,” when it comes to mothering. Of course, you can’t. Of course I couldn’t. It is all through grace that our children grow up to love and serve the Lord. It doesn’t all depend on you. I didn’t have little Joel’s destiny in my hands. I didn’t do all the blotching in his life. Stop being so proud that you can’t admit that you CAN raise that child to serve the Lord, you CAN be a good mother, you ARE the best mother that child could possibly have. If you’re drunk, or if you’re a druggie, I don’t know why you would be reading this book. But if you are, God didn’t mean for you to mess up your life. But neither did He kill you, so He must surely have a purpose for leaving you here. If you still have little ones at home, get up! Pour all your alcoholic beverages, and your drugs down the toilet. If you don’t know anyone who can show you how to get saved, and be a good mother, just tell the Lord, “Lord, I’m lost. I’m a sinner. I’m on my way to hell. Save me from my sins, from my drugs, and from everything bad in my life. Forgive me for hurting You. I believe your Son, Jesus died on the cross for my sins. I accept Him, and ask Him to make me to be everything You would have me to be. Help me to raise these children to love You and serve You all the days of their lives. I take You into my heart, into my life, and into my home. In Jesus’ name. Amen.” If you pray that prayer, and mean it with all your heart, He’ll hear you, and He’ll give you grace to be the kind of mother your children need you to be. The Holy Spirit lives in you, and He will direct you as you lovingly raise your children.
Don’t think you can do this? Well, you can’t. I had no more power over not having a baby than you have over training yours in the ways of the Lord. Just as my body performed its natural function in childbirth, so you must let the Holy Spirit direct your thoughts, your desires, your goals, your actions to “bring forth” children who love and serve the Lord. This should be your ultimate goal: producing and rearing children who mature spiritually, sufficiently to love and serve the Lord in whatever capacity He wants to use them.
I think you can do this!
I had been married for about three months, when my doctor husband returned home from the hospital with the news that normally the expectant mother gives to the expectant father: “We’re going to have a baby.” I had been experiencing suspicious symptoms, so Tom took my…well, you know…to the hospital lab to be tested, and sure enough…there was a baby in there!...not really, but you know what I mean.
My husband, Tom, was finishing his General Practice residency in Lafayette, Louisiana. Those were the days when life holds all your dreams: we were passionately-in-love newlyweds; we were excited about leaving for the mission field of Mexico in a few months, and now the joy of looking forward to having a baby. Life didn’t get better than this…
…until that fatal day…
Always the planner, I had decided to be not only the world’s best mother with the world’s best children, but I also planned to have the perfect delivery. I was young and healthy. I was married to a physician. And I was also a scaredy cat…with a very low pain tolerance level.
Upon my insistence, my doctor husband brought home an armload of little pamphlets that he would give to his mommies-to-be. I was so excited I could hardly breathe and couldn’t wait until I got my hands on them: my guide to perfection.
And then I saw the explicit illustrations and drawings of a child actually coming into the world. It was with horror that I announced to my husband when he came in for lunch that day: “I don’t think I can do this.”
“Of course, you can,” he said simply, as he usually expressed everything he said. I was the “embellisher,” as he called me. He was the “simplifier,” so he added, “Millions of women all over the world have had babies, down through the centuries, and so can you. And besides, you don’t have an option.”
Well, thanks a lot for the encouragement!
That was exactly forty years ago. And as I look back over all those years of mothering eight children, I still remember times, much more challenging than labor of childbirth. It’s those days when you feel like you did everything wrong. The “why did I do that?...why didn’t I do that?” The feeling of having sped through my day, and running right past my children. The tears shed over things I’d said to them…or things I didn’t say.
Neglect…thoughtlessness…cruelty…abandonment…failure…these aren’t the confessions of a physically abusive mom. They’re the devastating thoughts of a mother who adored her children, and wouldn’t for anything in the world have done anything to hurt them.
Why this feeling of total inadequacies? You’re reading this, and you’re feeling this with me. Yes you are. This describes you perfectly, doesn’t it? You’re about ready to throw in the towel, and you’re not too particular whose head it lands on. You just want out! Or maybe you want help.
Looking back over those years when my children were still at home, I believe those feelings came to me, as they do to you because of several things:
I was looking inward, and not upward. I read my Bible faithfully every single morning…or at least at some point during the day. When my oldest child was four months old, I started reading the Bible through, and I’ve just finished reading it through for the 39th time. I faithfully had Bible reading with my children every morning. But somehow, that Bible-glow gets dimmer and dimmer as the day grows to an end. The challenge becomes the obstacle, the ever-present hill to be climbed. One tends to think of self more at the end of the day, instead of being happy with one’s role in life, and God’s plan for him or her. Funny, it was always at the end of the day when I would get those feelings. The devil attacks us when we are most vulnerable: when we’ve had it with our children…when we’re tired…when a little one is sick, or doesn’t understand a math problem. It’s at that point that the devil shows us how utterly incapable we are as mothers. And we are, but for the Lord’s grace and strength. Don’t ever say or think you are incapable of doing something that God has called you to do. Your role as mother is as much a ministry as the role of your Pastor’s ministry. You are the best mother God could have chosen for your children. You are tailor-made for them. Even if your little ones are adopted, God put them under your care for a purpose. He allowed you to choose them. There was something about that little one that reached out and touched your motherless heart, and said, “She’s the one,” or “Pick him.” There is a confidence that must come in doing anything for the Lord. But it’s not confidence in one’s own ability. It comes from knowing that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. So the next time you have those desperately unfit mom feelings, look to the One who gave you these little ones. You’re not unfit. You’re tailor-made. Take your eyes off yourself, and your failures and shortcomings, and look to Him for your strength.
I was looking outward, and not upward. If you think I was nuts for studying how to have a baby, you should have seen my library once I actually had a baby! I read everything I could get my hands on about mothering. Just like you! You’re reading this book, because you think I have it altogether. I’ve raised eight children, and you want to know how I survived. This book is not about child raising. It’s a book written to encourage parents, and especially mothers and grandmothers. I would read those books, and about half way through the first chapter, I would already be discouraged. I didn’t have children like this typical suburban housewife. I would daydream about her, and fantasize about being like her. I would lovingly discipline, and I would be a nurturer. I would never get angry or upset. But in reality, in real life, I wasn’t that way, and I couldn’t handle the pressures. What I didn’t know is that most of those mom-authors couldn’t either. I believe those books must surely be written by mothers who have their standards so high, that not even Susannah Wesley herself could have attained to such high goals. Then one day, I closed all my books, and realized my limitations. I turned to the Lord, and I said, “Lord, you know I want to be a good mother. I’d even love to be perfect, just like You. But I can’t. So will You please take all my imperfections, knowing me like You know me, turn them around and use them to help me raise these children? I can’t do it in my strength, so I ask for Yours. I look to Your Word for guidance.”
I was comparing myself to others, instead of to the Lord. You know what I’m talking about, don’t you? I “hear” that smile. I had two friends whom I thought had to be model moms. They were everything I was not. Their children always were immaculately dressed, had impeccable manners, and always had their shoes on. In the area of academics, theirs far excelled mine. We were all home schooling, missionary moms, and they were always talking about the wonderful grades their children made. Their houses were much nicer than mine, and they never had one single dirty dish in the sink. Funny how when you start comparing “apples to apples,” oranges start to appear, too. We’re talking children here, not houses. But even their clothes, their vehicles, their ministries…oops!...their husbands seemed to have it altogether. I say this from experience, and with authority: this is a work of the devil. Don’t ever, ever compare yourself, your children, your house, your church to those of others. This will only accomplish one of two results: you will be puffy with pride, or you will be desperately discouraged. God made you on purpose. He made you inside out. He gave you your husband, your children, your church. He made your body like He wanted it to be. He knows your weaknesses, but He also knows your strengths. Stop “accentuating the negative,” and start “accentuating the positive.” Take what you have, where you are. Accept who you are, and stop comparing. Only when I compare myself to the Lord, and strive to become like Him, will I ever become who He wants me to be. He doesn’t want you to be like me. He didn’t want me to be like Ginny or Sandy. He didn’t want them to be like me. Only when I accept who I am, can He make me to be like Him. Accept your husband. Accept your children, and thank God for the way He made them. Don’t try to change them. Train your children for the Lord. Don’t train them to be preachers, or missionaries, or doctors, or businessmen. Train them for the Lord, for Him to do with them as He wills. Get your eyes off others, and back on the Lord.
Some mothers look at child rearing like some people look at Salvation. Salvation is by grace. And so is childrearing. Did you know if there were something good you could do to take you to Heaven, there would be the corresponding something bad to condemn you to hell? Salvation is by grace, through faith in Jesus Christ. I witness to people all the time who don’t like this. They want to think there is surely something they can do to take them to Heaven. That’s why you’re ready to throw in the towel. You’re saved, but some of the things you do give the devil opportunity to make you think you’ve “lost” your Salvation, or you haven’t been good enough. There is nothing good enough you can do to take you to Heaven. If you are going to Heaven, it is all by grace, and through faith in Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross.
That’s the way it is with mothering. Just as there is an element of pride of wanting to “do something on my own” that will merit Heaven for me, there is a pride element in thinking, “I don’t think I can do this,” when it comes to mothering. Of course, you can’t. Of course I couldn’t. It is all through grace that our children grow up to love and serve the Lord. It doesn’t all depend on you. I didn’t have little Joel’s destiny in my hands. I didn’t do all the blotching in his life. Stop being so proud that you can’t admit that you CAN raise that child to serve the Lord, you CAN be a good mother, you ARE the best mother that child could possibly have. If you’re drunk, or if you’re a druggie, I don’t know why you would be reading this book. But if you are, God didn’t mean for you to mess up your life. But neither did He kill you, so He must surely have a purpose for leaving you here. If you still have little ones at home, get up! Pour all your alcoholic beverages, and your drugs down the toilet. If you don’t know anyone who can show you how to get saved, and be a good mother, just tell the Lord, “Lord, I’m lost. I’m a sinner. I’m on my way to hell. Save me from my sins, from my drugs, and from everything bad in my life. Forgive me for hurting You. I believe your Son, Jesus died on the cross for my sins. I accept Him, and ask Him to make me to be everything You would have me to be. Help me to raise these children to love You and serve You all the days of their lives. I take You into my heart, into my life, and into my home. In Jesus’ name. Amen.” If you pray that prayer, and mean it with all your heart, He’ll hear you, and He’ll give you grace to be the kind of mother your children need you to be. The Holy Spirit lives in you, and He will direct you as you lovingly raise your children.
Don’t think you can do this? Well, you can’t. I had no more power over not having a baby than you have over training yours in the ways of the Lord. Just as my body performed its natural function in childbirth, so you must let the Holy Spirit direct your thoughts, your desires, your goals, your actions to “bring forth” children who love and serve the Lord. This should be your ultimate goal: producing and rearing children who mature spiritually, sufficiently to love and serve the Lord in whatever capacity He wants to use them.
I think you can do this!
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