“When I was a
Child”
Are you young enough to
remember the details of your childhood? Well, I’m sure there are few ladies
reading this book who are older than I am. But I can still remember vivid
details of my childhood. I’ve never studied up on this, but I wonder why there
are minute details of when I was a child that are as vivid as though they had
happened yesterday.
I have a picture in my mind of
the sandals my cousin, Becky had when I wasn’t yet 5 years old. I can close my
eyes and see the green, red, yellow and blue straps; and I liked them so much
that just before my Uncle Paul pulled out of the drive after their visit, she
took them off and gave them to me.
I can remember what it felt
like to crawl up into my “Mammie’s” lap…the name everyone called my maternal
grandmother…and the security of hearing her heartbeat as she held me close, and
rocked me to sleep in her squeaky rocking chair. I couldn’t possibly have been
more than four.
I remember smells…and
sounds…and verses I quoted in a Christmas play. I remember the face of my first
grade teacher, and the name of the little boy who got me in trouble by passing
me “love” notes.
And I remember feelings I
had…when I was a child.
I remember feelings of love,
and fun, and excitement.
I remember joy over seeing my
baby brother for the first time, and I remember getting my first reader…both on
the same day!
But I also remember negative
feelings… I remember the feeling of almost terror the day I missed the school
bus; and the wonderful sight of Granddaddy waiting for me in the drive when my
teacher drove me home; the feeling of regret when I would disobey; anger when
my brother wouldn’t help me with the dinner dishes; sadness the day Granddaddy
died; fear when seeing “Santa Claus” walk into our living room on Christmas
Eve, even though he was a neighbor everyone called “Heavy.”
But perhaps the greatest
emotion carried over from when I was a child is this feeling of rejection…this
outside feeling.
Ever felt left out of things?
Do you ever feel like you’re not young enough, or old enough, or good enough?
There are few feelings as strong as those of not feeling accepted. We all want
to be loved and admired and included.
When I was a child, I was a
preacher’s kid. Back in the 50’s, that wasn’t the respectable position it is
today. I can remember hearing so many times the cutting words, “Oh, you can’t
do this, because you’re a preacher’s kid.” I wanted to run away, even though
Daddy would comfort me by saying, “Being a preacher’s kid doesn’t mean you
can’t do certain things…if you were a deacon’s kid, or a mechanic’s kid, it
still wouldn’t be right for you to participate in those activities.”
But this is a book about MY
kids…and me. What did I learn from them regarding being left outside?
I have a son whose birth order
is right in the middle of four girls. And just to add to his misery, he is the
youngest of four boys. Because of this, he was too little…or so his three
brothers thought…to be included in their activities. He didn’t want to be included
in the activities of little girls. So talk about being outside! He should be
writing this chapter!
Do you have a child in a
difficult position because of his birth order, or her size? Or maybe it’s their
lack of the ability to achieve.
Well, this is not a book of
advice on how to raise children, is it? Remember my promise to you at the first
of the book?
But looking back, if there is
something I could observe, as if floating on a cloud above my life back then,
and if I could have shouted down some words of advice learned over more than
ten years of my non-child-rearing days, it would be the same advice I would
give to anyone coping with feelings of “not good enough, or old enough, or
young enough, or brave enough.”
Learn to accept.
Isn’t that simple? Learn to
accept yourself and others, whether it’s your sister in law, or your 15
year-old son.
God does. We are “accepted in
the beloved,” aren’t we?
Always trying to change your
hubby? Well, neither is this a marriage manual, but are there attitudes toward
your husband that sometimes make him feel like he’s outside your circle of
activities, or friends or family?
I believe if I could go back
over my life, thinking of all my relationships, not just as a Mom, but as a
wife, a sister, a mother in law, I would be more accepting. Even now, there are
people in my life I wish I could change…not exchange; but I find myself wishing
they were more considerate; or more involved in certain activities; or less
aggressive; or not so demanding of my time.
I wish they didn’t complain as
much; I wish they were more outgoing; I wish their hair was shorter; I wish
they wouldn’t take themselves so seriously.
That pretty much sums up my
attitude of an almost-lifetime.
How sad!
Makes me wonder how many hours
of enjoyment I’ve missed.
I don’t want to spend another
day wishing for changes. I want to “…put away childish things,” and accept
others just the way they are…
just the way God does me.
“To
the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he hath made us accepted in the
beloved.”…
Ephesians
1:6
