Secrets of the Heart

“…he knoweth the secrets of the heart.”
Psalm 44:21

If you had one whole day to do anything you like, what would you do? If you had all the money in the world, what would you buy? If you could spend twenty-four hours with anyone in the world, with whom would you spend them?

Do you know anything more intimate than the heart? Jeremiah said of our heart, “who can know it?”

Matthew 15:18, 19 says, “But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart; and they defile the man. For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies:”

I’m afraid we spend too much time fixing family relationships, when in reality we should be focusing our attention on relationships between children and God…between husband and God…and between ourselves and God.

I maintain that if you have an intimate relationship with the Lord, you’ll have a good intimate relationship with your husband. If you work on having an intimate relationship with God, you’ll be the Mom He wants you to be, no matter what human authors tell us, who struggle with their own marriages, and have rebellious children.

The word intimate means interior, internal; that which comes from within. And when we apply that to our relationship with God, it takes on a very special meaning, because God is Spirit. John 4:24 “God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth.”

How is your secret life? Have you ever asked yourself, “Who am I?” My pastor used to say, “The real You stands up when you’re all alone.” And that’s true. Do you want to know how your secret life is? When no one’s with you, what do you do? What do you watch? What do you read? What do you think about?

How did you answer the questions at the beginning of this devotional? If you answer honestly those three questions, I’ll tell you how your intimate relationship is with the Lord, with your husband, and with your children.

I’m convinced that if we keep our secret life clean and pure, we’ll have better marriages.

My son, Philip, preached a sermon once titled, “You Don’t Know Me.” I don’t know you. Only God really knows us.

I personally believe that every woman needs to have time alone every day with the Lord. For me, at least, that time is early in the morning, before the phone and doorbell start ringing. I guard that time jealously for the Lord. I have fellowship with Him, and He with me. This is a time that I purposely reserve for the Lord. I plan everything I’m going to do during that time. My mind is fresh, free from the burdens and pressures of the day. I’m usually in a good mood during the first hours of the day.

But sometimes the Lord gives me surprise times alone with Him, times I hadn’t planned. It’s during that time that my real character comes forth.

There are things that we do in the secret places of our heart, of our homes, in our bedrooms that are not pleasing to God. Marriages today aren’t failing because husbands don’t take their wives out to eat once a week, or because it’s been a year since he brought her flowers. Marriages are falling apart because of what happens in the secret places of our lives.

There are secret places in our minds, places we reserve for Satan: bad thoughts, inappropriate desires. Those thoughts and desires don’t stay in our minds; they become looks, glances, gestures, and then words, and finally adultery. It all started in the secret places of our hearts.

What can we do to clean out those dirty corners of our hearts, and our minds? What can we do to have an intimate relationship with God?

1. Live by principles, and not emotions. Don’t let your mood affect your decisions. Did you know that’s why we have weight problems? We feel lonely, or sad, or depressed, and what do we do? We eat. We work hard, and at the end of the day we reward ourselves with food. If you live according to principles, and you’re sad or lonely or depressed, and one of your principles says, “Thou shalt not eat chocolates,” you won’t use food as a cushion, or a security blanket. I know women who are overweight, and apparently they don’t eat a lot…in public. But what about when they’re alone?

2. Live by schedules and routine. You shouldn’t let your emotions determine what time you get up, or what you do once you’re up. I once heard a famous pastor say, “I thank the Lord there’s a place I have to be, and a time I should be there, and something to do once I arrive.” A schedule gives you purpose, and helps you to stay focused. It gives you direction and motivation. Avoid the necessity of having to make decisions. Remember, the fewer decisions you have to make, the fewer wrong decisions you’ll make.

3. Choose carefully your friends. You don’t have to be a young person in order for others to have an influence on you. The saying, “Show me your friends, and I’ll show you who you are,” doesn’t apply only to young people. It’s possible for a woman to have a good relationship with the Lord in her intimate life, but because of a negative influence, she can harm that relationship…the most important relationship a woman can have.

4. In order to have an intimate relationship with the Lord, you should reserve time alone with the Lord every day, preferably in the mornings. Don’t plan that time according to your emotions, or your mood. Plan a routine, in a private place. Ask the Lord, before you open your Bible, to speak to you through His Word, and to help you to be obedient to it. Ask Him to convict you of your sins through your reading, to comfort and guide you, and to show you a truth you’ve never seen before. And He’ll do it.

5. Remember, God desires an intimate relationship with you more than you desire it. He waits for you every day.

If you don’t know the Lord as your personal Savior, you don’t have a relationship with Him. In order to have a relationship with someone, you must know them. We know the Lord through His Son, Who died on the cross for our sins.

There’s a positive side to our lesson. Did you know God knows the secret longings of your heart? He knows the desires of your heart, the desire we have for a lost loved one to be saved, or a desire to be able to reach a goal. If you’re single, share with the Lord your desire for a husband and a home. Maybe your heart’s desire is for a baby, or the ability to win others to the Lord. Share that longing with the One who can make your dreams come true.

“Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts:
And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”
Psalm 139:23, 24

MY KIDS AND ME - Chapter 4

“Blending Routine and Schedule with Extras”

I am writing this chapter in the bedroom of the home of my daughter, Sarah, and her husband, Jason Knabb. They are missionaries in a very small town, about 4 and a half hours from my home. But I actually wrote the title for this chapter several months ago. Evidently, the Lord has let me wait until now to write about it. And that’s good, because I am a little out of my routine, and I am learning some things this week to teach you.

Today is Saturday, and if I were home, I would be putting my “Sunday” dinner on the table. Since I like to have a special time for my children to come together, even though they are all married, and have their own families, and since our Sunday’s are non-stop, I decided several years ago to have our big get-together family meal on Saturday.

Of course, this is only for my children who live near me, or for occasional visits by the others.

But today I’m working on my book…something I don’t normally do on my regular Saturday routine.

What do you do when you are raising children, and you are away from home…or maybe a special event at church doesn’t allow you to do your normal routine activities? This is something that was constantly a struggle with me.

I can remember, especially, our trips to the States when our children were all at home. These road trips took three long days. Children respond so well to routine and schedules, so I would try to maintain the basic ones that we had at home. For example, we would leave before breakfast. I could, and may, write a chapter on “How to Survive a cross-country road trip with Eight Children.” That would be fun, because it brings back memories of the preparation for the trip. I would pack breakfast food, and as soon as we were loaded up in our 15-passenger van, everyone would take out their Bibles. We would have our normal family devotions, exactly like we would were we around our breakfast table at home. We also did this once we arrived at my mother’s or my brother’s, or the mission apartment, exactly the same way: breakfast stayed on the stove to stay warm, and we would gather around the table; or travel down the road, and go through our Bible routine.

Then after prayer, we would put our Bibles away, and I would “serve” breakfast going down the road. Every one of my eight children who are reading this, are sighing with happy memories, I’m sure…I hope.

That would be followed by personal quiet time, depending on the age of each child. How relaxing to have your “quiet, personal time with the Lord” while traveling. Even now as I travel…not with eight children, and not road trips, but in planes, I love settling in my seat, either at my gate before boarding, or on the plane, and closing out the noise of the world, and reading my Bible, and having my prayer time.

But if I didn’t normally have a routine of reading my Bible, or if my children never had a schedule which allowed us to gather around the breakfast table at home every morning, it would have seemed strange indeed to have family devotions while going down the road. No one would have known what to do, and I couldn’t have instructed them from the front passenger seat.

The same goes with anything you routinely do…walking, exercising, drinking eight glasses of water a day, staying away from sweets…these don’t have to stop just because we’re in different surroundings, with unfamiliar people. Once a routine is established, it’s easier to carry it out than it is to omit it.

I’ve read stories of young men who went off to war, but they still had their quiet time. How did they do this? I don’t know, and I can’t even imagine. But they did, because their routine and schedule was so instilled in them during normal days, that it must have seemed strange not to have carried it out, even on the battlefield.

During the twelve years our eight children attended Bible College, they continued their family devotional time, as much as possible. At one point, five of our children attended at the same time. Now, this is going to seem like bragging here, but it’s not. I am simply trying to show you that the simpler your devotional routine is, the easier it will be for your children to continue it, once they’re away from you and your care. Our second son, Joel, and his four younger siblings would meet in the little living room where the student body would have devotions at 6:00. Joel would meet with his siblings at 5:30, and have the same type of simple routine devotions they used to have around our dining room table. It was always such a delight to their mother, when we would go up to visit with them, and we would gather before breakfast, to hear them quote the Scriptures they had learned on their own…together…routinely.

Had I concocted some weird, complicated deep theological series of lessons, they wouldn’t have known what to do. But it doesn’t take much of a spiritual giant to simply open your Bible, look at the reading schedule…there’s that boring word again…go around the table taking turns reading, go over past Scriptures learned, and repeat the new Scripture for the week, ending with a song and prayer. You can almost do that in your sleep…and Sarah did once. (Sorry, Sarah. There’s not a college student alive that won’t identify with you, Sweetheart.)

Do you think routine does away with spontaneity? Of course not. Routine paves the way for spontaneity. Have you ever walked into your kitchen to prepare a routine, ordinary breakfast of pancakes? You begin to gather the utensils and ingredients, and prepare your griddle. Suddenly, in your relaxed comfort zone, you are inspired to add blueberries, or strawberry yogurt. See what I mean? I’ll guarantee you, all the fancy recipes in your recipe book…at least in mine…start with a basic, routine, normal recipe. I have about five recipes for homemade biscuits, but guess what! They all begin with “sift dry ingredients,” or “cut in shortening until pea-size mixture forms.” From there, they may substitute buttermilk for milk, or suggest adding cheese.

I’m going to venture to make a statement here: the success of any project you will ever undertake in some way involves routine, schedule, doing the same thing over, and over, and over until it is mastered. There will be improvements made, maybe changes for the better. We stand back and analyze, and ask “why didn’t this work? This would work better.” Achievement and routine are best friends, and they walk side by side. Keep with your routine, improve if you must, but don’t get away from anything that produces happy results. And someday, I may be reading a book you wrote about your accomplishments, and the routine that got you there.

June 2010 Prayer Letter

Dear friends and family,

If I had learned as much when I was young as I have been learning lately, I’d be a very smart lady. Well, in spite of my mistakes, God is still Merciful and Good to me.

During the month of May, we were honored to have hosted the Ward family, Bro. Dan and Dodi, and their two daughters, Brianna, and Chelsea and her husband, Jared Miskovic. Please pray for them, as they continue their deputation and prepare to return here to work next year. They were a blessing to our work, and to our family.

Also, my son, Tommy and his wife, Mona, and their five children should be finished with deputation by the end of this year, and we look forward to their arrival on the field during the month of December. He and Bro. Carroll Blanchard, from Temple Baptist Church, New Iberia, LA, were our guests for a week, also.

Plans are already underway for the opening of our Drug Addiction Center. A building has been rented, and there are already young men lined up to receive the benefits of this much-needed ministry. One of the leaders of this Center is a young man from our church, who was delivered from drugs about a year ago. Upon the suggestion of Pastor Luis Ramos, he received training in another city in a similar ministry, and is anxious to get started. God is Good!

On April 11, Philip, my Pastor son, baptized 11 people; most of those were family members of two of our Indian preacher boys. I have seen two ladies saved in my different ministries recently. Please continue to pray for our monthly Ladies’ Prayer Breakfasts, which are for the purpose of reaching ladies with the Gospel. This is also a time dedicated to praying for the First Ladies of our city. In every one of our Prayer Breakfasts so far, we have had in attendance different ladies representing a place of prominence. They hear their name called out, as we pray for them. This is in preparation for our Ladies’ Christmas Banquet, which will be held on November 19. At our April 28 Prayer Breakfast, a lady was saved after my lesson, and the following Sunday I was able to win another lady to the Lord. We’ve been praying for Rosario for so long, and the Lord saved her, and she and another lady I won to the Lord were baptized during the month of May. God is Good.

Billie Sloan
Nahum 1:7

MY KIDS AND ME - Chapter 3

“Give it to Me!”

I’m writing this from my living room…the room that probably holds more memories of our child rearing years than any other room in our house. Our old carpet has been replaced with beautiful tile, but if I close my eyes, I can see my children lying on that old carpet in front of our record player, some on their tummies, some propped on pillows, but all totally focused on the old 33 rpm. Is it some western story? Is it the strands of an orchestra? No, they’re listening to the classic sermon by Dr. R.G Lee, “Payday Someday.” Sometimes I think children’s imaginations were much more active in the days of records and cassette tapes. Our children grew up on “Odyssey,” and early every Saturday morning, they would pile in our bed while Daddy tuned it in on our short wave radio. Uncle Charlie followed, and by then the French toast or pancakes were ready, depending on which Saturday morning it was. But the story that captivated our older children most was the one by Dr. Lee, as only that old famous preacher could tell it.

The story came from the book of I Kings. It’s the tragic story of King Ahab, and his wicked wife, Jezebel. Ahab wanted a vineyard of herbs that belonged to Naboth. But the vineyard was an inheritance, and Naboth was forbidden to give it away, no matter that it was to the king. Ahab offered to buy it from him, or to give him another one in its place. Up until then, Ahab was in his right. But instead of honoring Naboth’s explanation, he pouted, and went home to the palace. It is my personal opinion that he made a big show of his emotions in front of his wife, because she was a manipulator. He knew she was sinister enough to get him anything he wanted, no matter that he was a wimp, and didn’t have the backbone to fight for himself. There is a similarity between Ahab and a lot of children, and even grown ups. When we don’t get what we want, we pout, or we sulk. Children should never be allowed to pout. The sooner your little one learns that all the sulking in the world won’t get her what she wants, the sooner she’ll get the message of the futility of her little shows. Sometimes, though it’s just plain ole easier to give people what they want, than to put forth a little effort to do what’s right.

The story of Ahab ends in tragedy. Jezebel consoled her pouting husband by promising that by hook or crook, she would get him Naboth’s vineyard. And she did. She ordered Naboth killed, and then soothed her coward of a husband by telling him that she had indeed gotten him the vineyard that he desired.

If you are a mother of a child two years old or older, one of the phrases you will most likely hear “from the mouth of your babe,” is “GIVE IT TO ME!” Children are born with self-centered instincts. From the moment their little head or feet enter the world, (and I’ve often wondered if they aren’t shaking those little tight fists,) they’re demanding everyone’s attention, from the hospital staff, to the one who brought them into the world, and for the next two years, from anyone within screaming distance.

That’s where we come in. We must teach our babies and little ones that there are other people in this world, and the sooner they learn that principle the happier they and everyone else around them will be. They’ll be able to adapt to society more easily. Mothers who dote over their children, and give them, and promise them anything their little hearts desire, just to have some peace and quiet while trying to do their grocery shopping, are in reality harming their little one. In the culture where I live, and where we raised our eight children, this is the norm. I’ve seen mothers standing in line in the super market, trying to man-handle a screaming two-year old, while promising her “when we get home, I’ll give you some candy.” Not only is she training that little one to scream in order to get what she wants, but she is teaching her little girl that it’s OK to lie, as long as it’s for a general good purpose…in this case, to shut up her little girl, so that those around her won’t be disturbed.

When we give children everything they want, we’re training them for life to expect others to do the same, whether in school, on the job, or in their marriage.

Even as grandmothers, we’re notorious for giving our grandchildren those things we couldn’t give their parent.

But this can also apply to us. What do you want? What do you feel is rightly yours? I’ve made a list of things that I feel are mine, things I feel I deserve. I’m doing this, because right now I feel like I’m being cheated out of a lot of things I actually need. They are:

1) MY time. I’m 66 years old. Wouldn’t you think a woman my age would have oodles of that commodity on her hands? When our children were very small, we lived in a little village. I had four children at the time, and my baby was about six months old. A very sweet couple came to spend six weeks with us in order to work with my husband, and get medical training for mission work in Colombia. We lived in a little travel trailer, so we fixed up an apartment for them in our boys’ dorm building. They would basically come over for meals, make trips to San Cristobal with us, attend services, and accompany my husband when he would go to deliver babies or stitch up machete wounds. But I was tied down to my children. It seemed like I barely had time to breathe, and often I would look longingly at my friend, who had no children, and I even ventured to tell her one day, “I can’t imagine having as much time as you do.” She bristled, and said, “Don’t think that mothers are the only ones who have a lot of work to do. I have demands on my time, too,” and then she proceeded to enumerate her various responsibilities. I did a little bristling myself, but now that I have no little ones to care for, or even a husband to cook and wash for, I can identify with my motherless friend. There are demands on my time, deadlines, and interruptions. Time is of great value to me, and sometimes to my shame, I feel myself once more bristling, as I silently scream, “GIVE IT TO ME! IT’S MINE! I’VE WORKED HARD ALL MY LIFE, AND I DESERVE SOME FREE TIME, OR AT LEAST ENOUGH TIME, OR MORE TIME!” There’s a story that our family came across many years ago. A friend gave us an old cassette tape of a missionary to, I believe, New Guinea. It’s called “The Pineapple Story.” It’s a classic, and I’ve never been the same since I heard that story. This missionary struggled to protect his pineapple field which he had planted in his back yard. He suffered trying to protect his prize possession. One day after going to several lengths to get back and fight for what was rightfully his, he decided to give his pineapple field to the Lord. He could then look out his window, and peacefully say to the Lord, as he watched the natives stealing his green pineapples which hadn’t even had time to ripen, and pray, “Lord, look what they’re doing to YOUR pineapples.” It was then that the Lord began to work not only in the missionary’s heart, but also in the hearts of the natives. He was able to teach them valuable lessons that they would never have learned had he not exchanged the concept of, GIVE THEM TO ME, for, “Lord, they belong to You.” The Lord says to me, in times of struggle to be mistress of my time, GIVE IT TO ME. It belongs to Me, anyway. It’s then, and then only that I have peace, even in times of pressure to produce more than my time allows. Even though I’m not under the pressure of meals, homework, and laundry, there are other things and people who demand my time. What a joyful peace floods my soul when I give my time to the Lord, and let Him manage it.

2) MY privacy. MY space. Now I’m going to be very, very transparent here. Sometimes I feel like unless I get up long before daylight, I won’t get to have time alone for the rest of the day. I live very close to some of my children and grandchildren. Because I’m alone now, and I have a nice four-bedroom home, which at one time was occupied by my husband and me, and our eight children, there is a tendency to continue occupying what should be, and what I deserve to be unoccupied space. I am basically always surrounded by people: my children, my grandchildren, a little Indian girl who is my housekeeper, and since my house sets right across the drive from my church, church members and Sunday school classes routinely occupy MY space. While I’m addressing mothers and grandmothers, this is a lesson everyone, including single ladies could benefit from. If you’re a college student sharing a dorm room, or if you’re sharing a room with your little sister, learn this lesson: you are going to have to condition yourself to function in a decent and orderly fashion in the midst of people, people, people, as though you were living on an island. You almost have to learn to detach yourself from your surroundings. You can do this. Did you know, I can lie down on my living room couch and go sound to sleep with five grandchildren under the age of 5 years old playing on my living room rug? I can pray in the super market, and in crowded airports. I can read my Bible while my grandchildren play (quietly, of course) on my bed. I’m writing this chapter in my living room, while my daughter is homeschooling her children. I just stopped to look at my granddaughter’s ring, and I kissed her little hand. I waved to one of our preacher boys, as he was leaving out my front gate. Do you know why? I’ve given MY privacy, and MY home to the Lord. When I got up this morning, I started praying, and I asked the Lord to give me enough peace and quiet to coherently write this lesson that has been on my heart for several weeks. And He did. Sometimes I have a sudden urge to pile all my material into my car, and drive downtown to a little coffee shop, and work to my heart’s content; or to check myself into a hotel for a couple of days in order to work in MY own space. But because I’ve given MY privacy, and MY space to the Lord, He works things together so that I can produce more, and more effectively than if I had taken things into my own hands, demanding that He GIVE IT TO ME, and worse still, demanding others to GIVE IT TO ME. When in a million years would I ever be able to teach you this valuable lesson, sitting in the quiet corner of a coffee shop, wondering if I should order more coffee, or leave an extra tip for having occupied a table for the past two hours? When you give up what you feel is rightfully yours, you’ll learn lessons you would have never learned had you demanded your rights. The Lord says, “You want your privacy? GIVE IT TO ME, and I’ll give you peace in the midst of the noise.

3) MY possessions. I have a car, and a house, and a piano, and a computer. I have a kitchen, and dishes, and a yard. I made this statement to one of my son in laws not long ago, “Possessions mean nothing to me. I’ve come to the point in my spiritual walk with the Lord where things mean absolutely nothing to me.” As if the Lord were ridiculing me, He showed me the next day how absolutely wrong I was. Things indeed do mean a lot to me. They provide security, and peace of mind. They provide comfort, and joy. Don’t deny that. Go ahead, say it with me, “I love my house; I love my collection of __________; I just love to come home at night to my __________. I just couldn’t part with my _________.” Don’t be a hypocrite. Don’t tell me, you’ve never gotten mad at your computer, and been tempted to smash the screen. If you don’t admit you are attached to certain possessions, you will never, never know the joy of giving them to the Lord. Say with the missionary, when you see someone destroying your lovely flower garden by running the lawn mower over it, “Lord, those are Your gardenias; Father, remember when we planted Your geraniums? Doesn’t it hurt You to see those beautiful rose bushes being cut down?” It feels good, like dumping a burden on Someone Else’s shoulders. More than that, you feel like you actually have Someone to commiserate with you. I never realized how much my things meant to me until someone suggested I move out of my large house, and into a small apartment. “This would not only give you more privacy, but you don’t really need a four-bedroom house.” Before I could think, I responded, “But I love my house.” This is the same person to whom I had said only a few minutes before, “Things don’t mean anything to me.” Oh, really? Then why do I love my house? While I am a believer in caring for the possessions the Lord has entrusted into our care, and we should certainly carry out the Bible teaching of being good stewards…or are we stewardesses?…of our possessions, in reality they belong to the Lord. When I grieve over things lost, or destroyed, or stolen, He says, GIVE IT TO ME. That car belongs to ME in the first place. It’s then, and then only that I can resign to the fact that they’re not mine in the first place. They already belong to HIM.

Now, it’s easy for me to give my time, my privacy, and my things to an Invisible God. That’s symbolic. I can say to the Lord, “Lord, this kitchen belongs to you.” But He’s not going to come down in bodily form, and clean up the sink full of dishes left by irresponsible people. I must find a body to wash those dishes, because they’re not heavenly. Dirty dishes are earthy in every sense of the word. I must find peace within my heart, by speaking to others, and gently asking them to clean up their mess, or by asking the Lord to give me joy as I work into the midnight hours cleaning up my treasured kitchen. When I consider my work as a ministry for the Lord, only then am I truly giving everything, dirty dishes included, to the Lord.

Do you feel like you’re being cheated by having to stay at home with your children while your husband trots off to the office every morning? The Lord says, GIVE IT TO ME…give me your resentment, give me your boredom, and I’ll give you joy, and I’ll let you have fun.

How do you feel, single mom, when you watch from your window, your neighbor as she waves good bye to her husband as he leaves for work, and then returns to her house in her robe, to leisurely care for her home, while you hurry the children to Day Care in order to get to your job on time? Don’t you feel a little bit of envy? The Lord says, GIVE IT TO ME, and I’ll give you grace and strength to be mother and father to your little ones. If YOU keep it, it will turn into bitterness, and anger and resentment. It could even end in wrecking another home, or in adultery. Is this sometimes the root of child abuse? Uncontrolled anger stemming from resentment can easily be taken out on defenseless children.

What is that sin you’re clinging to…that habit that is possessing you, or ruining your health, or your marriage, or your relationship with the Lord? He says, GIVE IT TO ME. You’ll never be able to control it. No organization in the world can break your will, or enable you to get the victory over those things you cling to for security, but that are destroying something in your life. If you give it to me, I can give you a clean heart, I can change your desires and your longings. I can satisfy your needs.

Guess what! Those children aren’t yours, did you know that? I recently told the ladies in my Sunday school class, “Those children aren’t yours, they belong to the Lord.” How easily we “give” our children to the Lord when we take them to the front of the Church when they’re newborns, and the Pastor prays a special prayer of dedication, “giving them to the Lord.” But that’s not really when we give them to Him. You give them to the Lord when you drive off and leave her standing on the college dorm sidewalk, while she is crying, and you are crying, and everybody is crying. (This is a true story.) The only way you will ever get through an experience like that is to say, “Lord, she’s Yours. You take her life, and do more with her while I’m thousands of miles away, than I could do if she were sleeping in her bedroom next to mine.” And He’ll do it. Do you have ambitions for your son? Do you have your son in law picked out? Wrong. Leave your children’s future to the Lord. Let Him plan it. Let him use your children the way He wants to use them. Train them, teach them, and protect them while they’re little. Guide them, discipline them, put hedges around them while they’re at home. But once they leave the nest, GIVE THEM TO THE LORD. Keep your hands off. They belong to the Lord in the first place. He gave them to you, and they’re not yours to keep.

Are you putting demands on others?...even on yourself?...on the Lord?

Do you have your life all planned out? Maybe you’ve even figured out your own way to go to Heaven. No, He says “GIVE IT TO ME. I have a better plan. I have a perfect plan, a way you can know for sure when you die you can go to Heaven. YOUR works? Even your good ones are as filthy rags. That’s YOUR plan, YOUR way, because it shows how good you think you are. Unless you give it up, and GIVE IT TO ME, and accept MY way, you’ll never make it to Heaven.”

“GIVE IT TO ME…your heart, your plans, your dreams, your future, your space, your time, your possessions, your children, and I WILL GIVE YOU happiness beyond your wildest dreams.”

The Missing Link

“For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus;”
I Timothy 2:5

Are there people in your life who don’t get along? What can you do when you love two people who seem to hate each other?

In the Bible, the book of I Samuel 14, we find a story of a beautiful friendship between two young men, David, who was a shepherd, and Jonathan, the son of King Saul. In Chapter 18, and verse 1 the Bible tells us “that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.” From his youth, David had been anointed king of Israel by Samuel, the prophet. We won’t go into the whole story, but with the passing of time, there was a certain tension between Saul and David. In the same chapter, verse 9, Saul watched David suspiciously. In verses 6 and 7, returning from a battle, Saul heard the women singing the praises of David, because Saul had slain his thousands, but David his ten thousands.

On several occasions, Saul threatened David’s life, and tried to kill him. Jonathan was David’s best friend, but he was also the king’s son. There’s a very sad passage, where Jonathan appears to convince David that his father, the king, would never try to kill him. He wanted to “fix” the relationship between his father and his best friend. In a certain sense, Jonathan became a “mediator” between these two men whom he loved dearly. He failed. Saul was a deceiver, a liar, and a hypocrite, and once when it would have been very easy for David to have killed Saul, he saved his life instead. Saul cried, pretending to humble himself before David. But the first chance he had, he tried once more to take David’s life.

A link is one of many rings that form a chain. The dictionary uses the word “bond.” If only one link is missing, the chain loses its unity, or its bond. It’s broken. In a sense, Jonathan tried to be the missing “link” in the relationship between his father, Saul, and his best friend, David. Without a doubt, Jonathan loved both men. Perhaps he suffered, because of the enmity between the two people in his life whom he loved most. Surely he felt a great sorrow having to live between two men who couldn’t get along.

Perhaps you have two family members who don’t speak to each other. Maybe your parents are divorced. How sad when we love two people with all our hearts, who are enemies. And sorrow upon sorrow when they’re our parents! Think very hard before you even consider divorce. Think of the effect it will have on your children. Even though your children are grown, they need that security that “my parents love each other.”

What can you do when you love two people who don’t get along? Perhaps because of a problem, two of your children don’t speak to each other. Maybe two of your siblings, perhaps two of your dearest friends, can’t stand to be together. In a significant way, you can be an “intercessor,” the “missing link.” It’s possible that those two people in your life love you dearly, as you love each of them. Just as David loved Jonathan, I believe King Saul must surely have loved his son, also, although he tried to kill him once. (I Samuel 14:39) Had it not been for his being rescued by the people in verse 45, he would have killed him. Although Jonathan failed in his effort to restore the relationship between David and his father, and he was never to put that broken friendship back together, to a certain extent, he was the “missing link.”

When friendship’s chain is broken, it’s because of a missing link. And you could be that missing link. What should we do to repair a broken chain?

1. Pray for both of them. Remember, you can do a lot to help a relationship, but only God can change hearts. When two people don’t get along, it’s because there’s a problem in their hearts…in one or both. Ask God to change their hearts.

2. Ask God to show you any fault you may have in this broken chain relationship. Sometimes, we’re so close to two people that we don’t realize that we may have a negative influence. Our prayer should be like that of the Psalmist David: “Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” Psalm 139:23, 24

3. As much as possible, don’t take sides. Try to remain neutral. That’s hard, because sometimes it’s obvious who has the blame. Do you find yourself in that kind of a relationship? Are there two people in your life whom you love with all your heart? They may not hate each other, but they at least show disgust toward one another. It hurts. It makes us shed tears. In broken relationships, rarely is only one party at fault. To some degree, both are responsible. But you can see the great part of the blame lies in one of the two people you love dearly. Try not to take sides against him or her. Do you know why? The chain is already broken, and you don’t want to break another one…your relationship between them and you. When you begin to take sides, you risk damaging the relationship you have with one of them.

4. Sometimes, when we’re with the person who seems to be the innocent victim of a broken chain, there is a temptation to speak badly of the guilty one. Gossip, criticizing someone is a sin, and even worse when you are criticizing their enemy. That makes the situation worse, and you, who should be the strongest link, instead of repairing the chain, are making it even weaker. Watch your mouth, especially when you’re in the presence of one of your loved ones.

The Bible teaches that when a person rejects Christ, she’s an enemy of God. There’s like a breach, a gulf between the two. Ezekiel 22:30 says, “And I sought for a man among them that should make up the hedge, and stand in the gap before me for the land, that I should not destroy it: but I found none.”

Jesus loves us. He loves His Father, and when He sees that the relationship between two people that He loves is broken, it makes Him sad. The Bible says in I Timothy 2:5 “For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus;”

There is only one Person Who can “fix” the relationship between God and the sinner…Jesus Christ. There’s no one else. There is absolutely nothing we can do to deserve God’s love. It’s all by grace. “For by grace are ye saved through faith;…Not of works,…” Ephesians 2:8,9 You may think you have no enemies, but if you don’t have an intimate relationship with God, you’re enemies. Remember, Jesus not only wants to be our Friend, He paid the price so that you could have His Father as your best Friend.

With my youngest grandbaby, Elisa

Me with Elisa Faith Knabb, daughter of Jason and Sarah, missionaries to Vera Cruz, Mexico

MY KIDS AND ME - Chapter 2

“Falling in Love” or “When Mama Ain’t Happy”

Now, some of the titles for this book may seem a little strange to you and totally unrelated to life with my children. This book is about what I learned from them. One of the great lessons of my life has been that I affect those around me. My mood swings, my disposition, my attitude all affect not only my children, but the people with whom I live and work.

This is valuable knowledge in living a happy life, whether you’re raising children, flowers, or chickens. If you believe you’re an island, you’re going to have a hard time raising children…at least happy ones.

Did you know God saw the importance of “atmosphere” when He created the earth? It was “without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep.” So the first thing He did was to create light. He could have made us in such a way that we could have moved about in total darkness if He had wanted to. But He made light so we could enjoy the beautiful flowers He intended to make. He made night, so we would feel drowsy in front of a cozy fire, and He also made night for romance. Didn’t He? Yes, He did. Romancing with your Sweetie takes on a dreamy dimension at night…candlelight, soft music…Don’t you ever think about why God did what He did in the beginning? Or do I have an over-active imagination? I don’t think so.

The memory of the atmosphere we create in our home is going to stay with our children for the rest of their lives. Their disposition and their temperament largely depend on the atmosphere at home. We’re taught, and I agree, that children are born with certain “bends.” In a family of say, eight children, for instance, all raised in the same atmosphere, same parents, same night time routine, one child will be easy-going and always happy. Who cares that not everyone loves him. He is going to love you, and get along with you. Sleeping in the bedroom next to him will be a little girl who has fought her entire way through the day. She loves the challenge of keeping everyone in line. She doesn’t really care how many enemies she makes during the day, just so by bedtime she’s been able to get at least one sibling in line, with as much punishment as possible.

But at least from my experience, when children grow up in an orderly household, where Mama is happy, usually everybody else is, too. And if she ain’t…neither is anyone else.

So what does “falling in love” have to do with anything? I pray this prayer for several of my children every morning: “Help _______ and _______ to fall in love with ________ and to love it more than any other place on earth.” Because if they don’t, neither will their children. Their children will grow up hating the place where God has called them.

I say this from experience. I literally hated San Cristóbal when we moved here thirty-eight years ago. I won’t even be pious and say like I have in the past, “but as I got to know the people, I began to fall in love with San Cristóbal,” because that’s not really true. I’m not talking about people…I’m talking about places. I’m talking about the place where you are right now. Maybe you’re lying in a hospital bed; maybe you have to cook dinner from a wheel chair, or in a hot steamy kitchen. Ask the Lord to help you to fall in love with where you live.

I can still remember the almost eerie feeling of walking the streets of San Cristóbal when we first arrived. There were no flowers in the yards, or at least if there were, they were not visible from the sidewalks, because San Cristóbal is a colonial town, and everything is gray, and concrete…that was my first impression. Gloom, adobe walls, narrow streets, ugly, ugly, ugly everywhere you looked. That was in February, 1972. Thirty-eight years later, the streets are still narrow, the walls still hide what could possibly be lovely gardens, and the sound, almost like a castle-echo, is what you hear if you walk down the streets this afternoon. So what has changed? I have changed. Not even the people have changed. They’re still very “Coletos,” a term applied to people from this little mountain village. No, the one who has changed is me…or is I…or am I, to be grammatically correct.

I love my town more than any other town on earth. The climate is an average 72 degrees. I live on the outskirts of town, but it’s still noisy, with street vendors, and occasional religious parades, and water trucks that sell my bottled water. I love sitting in my bedroom with the drapes drawn before daylight, and knowing exactly when to turn off my porch light, because the birds start singing at precisely dawn.

No place on earth can compare to my town. I wasn’t born here, and I didn’t grow up here, and I’ll guarantee you, it wasn’t love at first sight. It was a gradual falling in love.

I don’t know if my children were old enough to feel my hatred for this town years ago. They may not have known what made me cranky, or critical, or crabby. But I was, because I lived for the day when we would make cross-country trips from southern México where San Cristóbal is located, to the United States. And I’m ashamed to admit the thoughts I used to have about never coming back.

In my book, Tom and Me, there is a chapter called “I Stayed.” I don’t know where you are, but if you don’t love the place where you are, more than any other place on earth, the only way you’re going to “fall in love” with it is to stay there. Stay put. Know how you do that? You don’t leave.

I’m afraid our children are growing up to hate the place where they live, simply because we don’t make it a happy place.

I don’t know what circumstances are making you unhappy with your surroundings, but you can make it very pleasant and a happy place for your children.

So if it isn’t the people that make a place happy, what is it? I say it’s the memories. We’ve made memories with our children in the most desolate situations, in the unhappiest times of our lives. I remember the time Anna was only two months old, and we were returning home from the States. We had a bad wreck, and our pickup and travel trailer turned over. Miraculously we survived. By then we had five children, and the trailer was actually our home. But some of the most precious memories I hold dear to my heart are those made that week in the hotel room where we stayed while our insurance company was settling with the man who caused the accident. With a family of seven, including a baby, you can imagine the laundry…and no laundromat! I laughed until my side hurt at the sight of my husband “changing cycles” as he washed clothes in the bath tub…from gentle to spin to regular to rinse…how the children laughed as Daddy did the laundry.

The scary moments?...the terrifying feeling of reliving every moment of the wreck…yes, they were there. But what I remember most was the picnic down at the river, making new friends at the hotel, hanging my laundry out on the hotel roof, and using the closet shelves as kitchen storage. Like falling in love in a romantic atmosphere, precious memories are what make for a life long love affair with the place where God has put us.

There’s a divine element in falling in love. Worldly love affairs are all about the physical. But true love from God is more about the spirit, that nameless, indescribable attraction toward the one we truly love. If you leave God out of the picture, and out of your life, I don’t know how you make sense of anything in the first place. That’s what tears families apart…looking for that perfect town, that perfect job, or school, or church, even, can create an unrest, a dissatisfaction not only in us, but in our children as well.

Whether it’s peanut butter sandwiches under a shade tree in the back yard, or reading to our children, or playing games, you can make some happy memories. When you’re not happy, neither are your children. Fall in love with the place God has chosen for you to live. And so will your children.